
Hi there. Miles - 'the russian blue with little to do' - signing on.
My owners, Kimberly and PEter (what’s up with that spelling?
It’s called spellchecker, use it) (and I like to call them Petme and Feedme, respectively), have asked me to write a 'who I am' post to this little 'blog' thing they’re trying out. A few funny things about that: (1) they think they own me (you have no idea how funny that is – those suckers.
Why don’t you feed me some more, or else I might whine all night and keep you up, hahahahahahahahahahaha!); (2) I have no idea what a blog is; and (3) the only thing I’ve ever used a computer for is to look at kitty porn (that’s a terrible joke, but hey, I’m a cat – my brain is the size of an acorn).
So anyways, who is Miles?
First of all, I’m a cat, duh. I get freaked out by loud noises.
And too much light.
And movement.
My favorite things to do are snuggle and sleep – Kimberly and I get along really well.
Peter calls us
snugglesluts.
If you had any idea how traumatic my day-to-day existence is, you’d sleep a lot too.
He’s just jealous.
Sometimes I like to lick paper. I don’t know what you humans put in that stuff – cat nip or scent of cat's butt or whatever – but boy does it taste good.
I also like to lick moldy walls.
And sometimes the floor.
I get my water primarily from licking the condensation on the windows and the dripping faucet in the bathroom.
That filtered water they give me in the crystal glass is for snobs. I'm a cat of the people -
I’ll take mine moldy or dusty please.
My mortal enemies are the fancy white cat from next door and the grey tiger stripped cat from down the street (I've nicknamed them Snowball and Montecore).
I’d mess those cats up…if they let me outside – the outdoors doesn’t agree with me.
And I have no claws.
My old family really was crap: pulled out my claws, gave me the old ‘snip-snip’ down below, made me crap in a box on the porch (which, if you’ve ever spent a winter in Orygun, isn’t as cool as it sounds).
As boring as these two suckers are, at least they don’t lock me in the closet.
But sometimes Kimberly lets me go outside on a lead (it’s the King’s English, alright – my Owner-in-Sister-in-Law taught me that, and I think it sounds refined, thank you very much).
That’s fun because I get to eat grass; then as soon as I get inside, I puke on the rug – like I said, these two are suckers.
But it’s cool outside – I get to mark my territory and pounce around a little, like a real cat and everything.
And those stupid ‘outdoor’ cats don’t mess with me, nope, not with Kimberly watching my back.
I like to chase string – it's so mesmerizing when it flies back and forth.
Sometimes I like to chase balls of paper and play fetch.
The one thing I won’t chase – mice.
Not worth it.
Plus, they might have claws or sharp teeth, which could really hurt.
Anyways, Kimberly and Peter keep talking about some changes, and how while they’re away, I’ll have to keep in touch through this blog with the help of Sister-the-Youngest.
I’m not sure what exactly they’re talking about (I have noticed a lot of empty wine bottles lately, so I think they’ve been hitting it a little hard lately), but I’m pretty sure we’re not going anywhere.
Who would I snuggle with? Major changes might make me whine the entire time (here's a good thought: maybe I'll whine all the time no matter what. Done and done); e
specially if that stupid car were involved.
But even these two suckers aren’t dumb enough to make me get back into that thing.
Well, that's a little about me, Miles. If you need any advice with the ladies, or want to know anything else about how wonderful I am, just leave me a comment down below and I'll see what I can do. I have a feeling Petme and Feedme are going to be jealous of how popular my posts are and not let me do this that often.
Until next time, Keep on Snugglin’!