Living liminally

I've lived much of my academic life in the last 6 years liminally*. I've been between worlds: not fully a student nor a teacher. I have worked for and with professors for so long that this not-being has become rather normal. Many students are TAs for a short while, grading for a class or doing some research. I've been doing this longer than most, and have had close relationships with those I teach for/with. I've been fortunate to work for/with multiple faculty members who haven't seen me as a TA. In their eyes, or so they tell me and our students, I am a co-teacher in the classroom. In many ways, I am their colleague. However, as much as they may see me as a colleague, and as much as I can feel like one, I also cannot forget that they assign me grades (in many cases), determine my teaching appointments, and decide if I get to graduate. It's this betwixt and between nature of living liminally that has become second nature to me.

On Tuesday, I went to SLAC (that small liberal arts teaching college I have a job teaching intro to basketweaving at) to get the tour, meet the faculty, and all the other minutia of getting organized before the semester begins. It felt very strange, and it wasn't until my drive home that I realized that my relationship with the faculty there was different. Simply put, I wasn't their student. They hired me as an adjunct instructor, not a TA. So I have adjunct rights and benefits (parking, gym pass, long distance calling pass, my own wood-walled office). It's a bit strange to realize that I've been living in this inbetween world for so long without quite realizing how inbetween it really is. And it's strange to realize that I am only a few years shy of leaving this liminal place of becoming a professor to actual be one. I've been becoming so long, I wonder what it will be like to get there?

*Liminal is defined as the state of being in a transition or inbetween place. I learned this term from CultureProf when she introduced us to the work of Turner. Adolesence is a state of liminality (not a child and not an adult) and in many cultures, there are rites or rituals to help guide people during these inbetween times. I found the idea of liminiality confusing back then, but it has made much more sense to me over the years as I've had time to contemplate it more thoroughly. Thanks CultureProf

Brrrrrrrrr

It was -22 when we woke up this morning.


-22

That is a completely unreasonable temperature. It's warmed up to -15, which is so much better. Sigh.

Happy New Year

Well, it's been a little quiet here on the blogfront. We spent a busy winter break getting Stuck on the East Coast while visiting family and friends. We have driven back East for the winter break two years now (because we're crazy like that). This year, we got to enjoy Christmas with our little niece 1900 and many of the family in New York. It was a balmy 60 degrees on the day after Christmas! After the deep freeze we had had here at Farm U for the end of the semester, it was a lovely change. I bet it was warmer than the Rose City even! Of course, we had our 7+ kinds of fish for Christmas Eve and Peter got to play with Transformers on Christmas Day with a family friend's son. He was pretty happy about that.

We headed up to City with a Famous Harbor after Christmas to see more family and friends. We got to connect with several people we hadn't seen in a year (or maybe more?) and I even got a bunch of lesson planning and syllabus prep done. Plus, we went to Trader Joe's. That place rocks. We definitely need to live in a town with a Trader Joe's in 100 miles next move.

We had one of the best New Year's Eves I've had in a long time with some of Peter's friends (well, I'd call them my friends by this point too, but they were PEter's first) at home. We played games, ate homemade chili (and I might have to have a chili-off with the cook), and drank too much. Luckily, we planned well and were able to spend the night in the spare bedroom. We all went out to a fancy breakfast (well, brunch really) and met up with even more people.

And then.... then the car broke. We were driving back to drop off our lovely hosts after breakfast when we heard a loud thunk. I thought some kid had thrown a hard snow ball at us, or maybe we had run over a rock. But, it turned out that the clutch broke. Yep. The clutch cable snapped. Luckily, we were driving about 20 mph on a quiet suburban street. Imagine this happening while we were going 80 in rural upstate NY. Or Ohio or something. Ugh.

So, we called The better world club (the gree alternative to AAA. Comes recommended by the Car Talk guys!). They were very helpful and called lots car repair places, but wouldn't find a single open one. Remember, this was New Year's Day. So, we had the car towed to our friends' repair shop, thinking that we'd go back on friday and talk with them then. Of course, our plan was to LEAVE the East Coast on Friday, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. All of the passengers in the car thought this was a workable plan and Peter waited for the tow truck, left eh car, and slipped the key in the drop box.

Friday morning. We call the car place. No answer. We wait an hour. No answer. We eventually drive over and deduce that they are closed. And the next day is a Saturday so they'll be closed through the weekend and OH CRAP. We really wanted to be home by this point.

So. We call the guy taking care of Miles and arrange for more visits. Then, we drive around, looking for an open car place. We find one! It's actually only a block or two away on the same street. So, we ask about the repair, explain that the car that is broken is parked in their competitor's lot down the street etc etc. They had the cable and agreed to put it in. Now, we had to figure out how to get a car without a clutch two blocks down the street. The car guy said, don't worry, we'll take care of it. So, we walked back to the car, he hopped in, started the car and drove it without the clutch the two blocks. Amazing.

That afternoon, they called to tell us that the car was ready. We packed that night, after a sushi dinner (!) and hit the road early Saturday morning.

Miles was happy to see us Sunday night.

So. We're back to Farm U, safe and sound. PEter and I started classes yesterday and I start teaching at SLAC (small liberal arts college) next week. I'm sure we'll both have updates about it all shortly.

I hope that you're all well and that 2009 is good to you.

First Semester Project

site plan, originally uploaded by pmauro2001.

I've gotten around to uploading the photos of my first ever architecture model. There are some of the specific buildings and several of the site plan model (like this one here).

The idea was a community garden, with greenhouses, classrooms, etc.

Overall, I was fairly happy with it, but there already things I wish I had done differently.

Annoyed

Things I hate right now:
1) temperatures in the negatives, with wind chills in the negative 20's;
2) research papers.

That's all, really.

My First Architecture Final Review

In architecture studio, you spend a whole semester developing a project, researching, drawings, writing, building models, etc. Then at the end of the semester, you stand in front of a jury (usually professors, but sometimes professional architects) and defend/discuss your project.

My first review was yesterday.

Here I am discussing my project, which was a community garden/greenhouse/neighborhood center.


In front on me is the model I built, of the community center, greenhouses, and garden spaces. Here's a closer look.


And here I am pointing something out on my small scale model (I did two models, one of the whole sit, one of just the buildings). The review panel is sitting there in front of me.

Overall, I thought my review went fairly well. There were some things brought up by the reviewers which I should have thought of/done, but overall I am pretty happy. I need to take some better pictures of my semester's worth of work, so I'll eventually get around to posting that stuff.

Congratulations

Just a quick note to congratulate Kimberly on passing her first major test for her program: she passed her portfolio!!!!!!!!

I think she'll take a few weeks off, then start working on that dissertation thing.

Congrats wifey.

Heartbroken

We got some very sad news today. Miles has some tumors that are likely cancer. They seem to be growing quickly (we noticed the lumps right before leaving for Thanksgiving) and the test results suggest that they are affecting his liver.

We'll try to be the best pet parents we can be; which for us means to make sure he's comfortable and happy for as long as possible. The vet thinks that some diet changes might reduce the strain on his liver and give him a little more time. It's likely that we won't be entering him in the best housecat competition at the state fair next year. We're both pretty shaken up and sad that we're losing our little furry friend. I don't know how I'll finish all my classes without his help.

Miles at his most content - sleeping

_______________
update 12/4: Turns out that the tumors are definitely impacting his liver. His blood test results show that he has liver damage and maybe some kidney problems (although that could also be due to dehydration). The vet recommends that we try a prescription cat food and a medication that reduces the stress on a damaged liver. None of this will cure him, but it could keep him going a little bit longer before we have to deal with organ failure.

A break

We're off to the Left Coast tomorrow for a few days of break and "rest" (aka running around crazy-like to see friends and family and eat good food).


Someone isn't too happy about our trip.

This is assuming that we can actually get out of the Midwest. We acquired 1.5 inches of snow in a few hours today.

It's cold and blustery out (although 20 degrees warmer than the other day). Let's hope that our flights all leave as planned. We're looking forward to seeing you all very soon.

Wind

As a west coaster through and through, my experience with a range of weather conditions has always been limited. hot, warm, cold, wet dry. Only at the coast did we have weather. And it's memories of weekends and vacations there that come rushing back during days like today. It's not that it's cold today, it's above freezing, it's just so windy.

I remember flying kites with Dad at the beach when I was 14, 15. He'd wrap his arms around me to hold me down as I felt the wind pull the kite and us. We'd have to measure the wind with the little wind gauge to determine which lines to put on the kite (and which kite could handle the wind speed that day). We'd launch kites and fly and it was so great to spend that time together. One of the last things I packed before we moved out here was a kite. My sister and I sat on the floor and tried to decide what to do with them. We sent a special pair to our Coast Friends and my sister and I picked a kite and related equipment each. It's bundled up the closet here, but I should remember it in the spring. It's surely flat enough here to fly it.

Or Dad and I would go fishing out in the ocean or sometimes in the bay. Mom didn't like it when we went in the ocean and we stopped going that far out at some point after the sand started filling the mouth of the bay and it got dangerous. I think some boats capsized even, coming back in against the waves. We'd go early in the morning and spend a lot of time out there. I think back now and wish I had a tape of our conversations out there. I don't remember what we talked about, and I suspect we didn't talk very much. It wasn't really about the talking but the being together and watching the boat rise and fall with the swells, reeling the line in and out, and replacing the bait as the sneaky salmon ate it off our hooks without our noticing. Of course, we caught some too, back in the days when people caught salmon in that bay. We'd catch them and they'd be all slippery and shiny, with their scales shimmering. Of course, then you'd have to bonk them on the head which was never nice but I didn't feel too bad about it, better a quick bonk than slow suffocation was my idea. One time, we had a terribly unsuccessful fishing trip and just gave up. We were outside our normal area and decided to turn our fishing trip into a scenic tour. We drove around and saw different parts of the shore than we normally saw. A whale surfaced oh, 100 yards maybe from us and spewed foul smelling breath. I remember be scared (that thing was probably under us!) and delighted (we saw a whale!) almost simultaneously and I remember Dad looking for the lifejackets, just in case.

I remember our walks to town. It was almost always easier to walk towards town because the wind was at your back. We'd wander into the same 3 stores (with changing names and merchandise). And then we'd head back, against the wind. It was never nice to walk back with the stingy sand and rain against your face.

I remember a crazy walk on the beach with Mom. There's a great photo somewhere. We headed out into an awful storm repleat with ponchos, one orange and one clear. We walked in the rain and the wind with the stormy seas and came home with pockets of sand dollars (we gave those things away to school friends for years). We were soaking wet too as I remember. The fire was always going during the winter at the coast (and the dryer was always running!).

So today, I remember the coast and the wonderful times we had there. There was always a cozy couch to curl up in and read a book (or the special reading nook that Dad made) and a fire and cocoa and my mom and dad and sister. As much as they drove me nuts during my teen years (because I was an annoyingly difficult teen girl more than anything else I'm sure) what I remember now is the time we spent together.

In a few days we'll be home and I cannot wait. I miss them all terribly, although I'm often so busy that I don't have time to notice. It's days like today, when I'm not rushing from place to place and dropping of sheer exhaustion that the memories flood back, triggered by a little wind.

Done (with more to do)

So today is the deadline for my preliminary exam (which around here isn't actually your typical exam - but rather a collection of papers I've written that will be assessed by the department). I finished last night, printed the last piece of paper this morning, and submitted the sucker at 11:00. One whole hour early.

I don't know whether it'll pass, but it is done. I'm am grateful for that. And for my lovely family who listened to me blabber incessantly during those times when I JUST NEEDED TO TALK! And my husband who made lots of dinners (and kick ass waffles for dinner last night YUM). And to my academic friends who actually understood what I was doing and talked me through it all.

This was my desk this morning:
The massive stack of books. The funny (or some other adjective here, I'm too tired of writing to come up with something more appropriate) thing is that I used very few books in my actual writing. The stack of pdf journal articles would be 3 or 4 times more. Sis and I did the math last night and the total set of papers I wrote is about 60 pages.
Here are the final documents, all neatly bundled. Not super impressive looking. And Miles is there in the corner, keeping my chair warm. He contributed a great deal to the writing process.

Kind of Burnt Out

I graduated college almost a decade ago. Since then, I've basically worked 40 hours a a week.

There are things that are tough about 40 hour work weeks: worrying about getting fired, meeting deadlines, appeasing clients, etc. But the one nice thing about work is that, generally, when you're done at 5 (or 6, or whenever), you're done. You go home. You make/eat dinner. Maybe a little tv. Weekends are for wine tasting, or going to the farmer's market, or hiking, or sitting in front of the tv and watching football all day.

Having been back in school now for about 3 months, I remembered the thing I disliked most about being in school all those years ago: you never, NEVER, stop thinking about school. Take a night off? That's fine, just remember, you have that paper due in 2 weeks and, really, shouldn't you be reading/researching? Going to actually take a vacation during during break? Just don't think about that model you need to make.

If you can't tell, I'm pretty ready for a real break. We have the whole Thanksgiving week off, and we're heading back to Portland. I'm going to a Blazers game. We're meeting up with friends. It will be nice. And I will do my best to not think about school stuff the entire time. Well, except for the things I am taking with me for that research paper I need to write.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm back - it's really great. I'm just really busy and need a mental break.

Sometimes I think coming back to school was the best and worst decision I've ever made.

Note from the trenches....

Just wanted to tell you all how much I love the KCRW show Sounds Eclectic (A radio station out of Santa Monica). The host Nic Harcourt is responsible for all of my work music listening these days. I heartily recommend it.

We're still alive...

just buried under projects at the moment. We'll come up for air soon.

First snow

Calm

In 2004, The Stranger (Seattle's alternative weekly newspaper) ran this cover after the election. That week was rough for many of us. I remember crying in Prof Poet's office the day after the election. I felt betrayed by my fellow citizens and lost. How could the people in my country believe that our country was going in the right direction? How could they believe that voting for a guy because you could have a beer with him instead of because he is wicked smart is a good idea? Why was the decision for president of the USA resembling the decision for president of the senior class in high school (who's cuter, more popular, not too smart?)?

Today, I am calm. I don't think that our problems are solved because of these election results, in fact, I think we have a long way ahead of us. We (as a nation) need to focus on rebuilding our reputation internationally and collaborate on international problems like the global economy and global warming while simultaneously figuring out how to prioritize and deal with our national problems (health care, the deficit and debt, social security, housing market...) and our local problems too. Obama has a pretty terrible job. But, his speech last night was inspirational and moving.

It's hard to look at the red state-blue state maps and not be worried about the huge gulf in our country. Maps like this one show a stark divide.

2008 red/blue by state

However, maps like this

2008 map by county and population

are much more encouraging (and a little distorted!). The map maker uses population data to resize the states in proportion to their population and uses a scale of red-purple-blue to color county by county, thus the overwhelming amout of red is reduced. Instead of the red state blue state divide, we have lots of purple and some blue and a tiny bit of red. More maps (using electoral college votes, comparisons to 2004 etc) are available from his website.

They do care!

This was my day yesterday. Often, teaching is exhausting and unrewarding. They don't like you, the subject matter, or the whole scholastic enterprise (or at least that's how it can feel from the front of the class). But sometimes you get reminded that they do care (and I've had more than one!). At the very least, they can appreciate the work you do to try to make challenging material more accessible. I'm a big fan of phdcomics.com (Piled Higher and Deeper - what PhD is supposed to stand for, ha ha). It's a humorous but often accurate representation of life here.

Clearly, I'm doing this all wrong

Email I received today:

is an University Degree/Dip1oma holding you Back?
Kindly Call us to inquire about our Degree programs.

Whether You are seeking a Bacheelor, Diploma, M B A /P h D
We can provide you credentials to get you Better career
No exam, study, test, or Courseworks required!

Huh. I guess I'm wasting a lot of time working on this portfolio thing... why didn't they contact me earlier?!?

Voting

I voted in a polling place for the first time in my life on Thursday. The folks who aren't from our Rose State may not realize that Oregon adopted an entirely absentee ballot system a while back. When I first started voting, I registered in my home town and had mom mail me my ballot each year. Then, the state shifted over to the mail in ballot system. I didn't fully appreciate how great mail in voting is until this week.

Square State allows early voting in polling places during a few weeks before election day (they also have an absentee ballot system, but I didn't do that early enough to get it in the mail). They're predicting a huge turnout for election day, so I figured I vote now rather than wait (check out the byline on this story). On Tuesday, I wandered over to the student union to mail a few letters and cast my ballot. The line was so long (more than 30 people and it didn't move the entire time I waited for my stamps) that I got discouraged and decided to wait until later in the week. It's pretty cool that they're having the early voting scattered across campus, so I figured I'd find another time to vote. Today the voting was at the school library. So after I finished teaching, I packed up my stuff and stopped by the library on my way home. I found this line.

I waited to vote for over an hour. The line had DOUBLED by the time I got to the front. I let a few girls go ahead of me as they were trying to vote before running to class (see what a nice teacher I am?!). Anyone who claims that university students don't care this time around are sorely mistaken. I was surrounded by kids who had never voted in an election before. I had a few freshman around me talking about how they were in 9th or 10th grade when Bush got elected the second time. On the one hand, I was so excited to see the turn out. On the other, I'm truly afraid that the local election staff have completely underestimated potential turnout and are unprepared for the crush that will happen. If you remember our posts about voting in the primaries... we completely exceeded anyone's expectations for turnout. These kids were waiting in a line for more than an hour to vote.That's right, 19 year olds were waiting to vote.

Which brings me really to my point when I started this post: voting in a polling place is stupid. I didn't really understand how dumb until today. For our readers who aren't familiar with the Rose State system, let me describe it briefly. Your ballot arrives in the mail along with the state funded voting guide which has the language of all ballot measures, the bios of the candidates, and then paid statements by candidates and supporters/opposition. The League of Women Voters and other groups generally send things out as well. You sit around and read the guide, the newpaper endorsements and figure out who you like. I generally took a few days to vote - voting on measures one day, people another. You had all your materials in front of you while making your decisions. Once you finished, you could either add a stamp and mail your ballot or drop it off at a large number of public ballor boxes (carefully guarded of course). When the state moved to this system, voter turnout increased.

Here, I just had my ballot in my little booth (with no curtain by the way). With all of the news coverage of the presidential election, I had heard no discussion of our local, county, and state choices. I hadn't even heard many of the names. Before I opened my ballot, I didn't even know who/what was up for election here. If I had the ballot at home, I could have done some online investigations, read up about candidates for the hospital board (!), judges, and other random seats. As it was, I didn't vote for any of the candidates. What was I going to do, pick the name I thought sounded "coolest"?

I'll be requesting an absentee ballot from now on, although I need to find out the state's policies on when they count those ballots first I guess.

Voting used to be so easy.

New opportunities!

So, a month or so ago, I applied for a job. Yes, I know I already HAVE a job (a busy one at that) but this job ad came to my email and was just about perfect for me. So, I applied. The job is teaching a class at a small liberal arts college (SLAC) nearby-ish. I'd get to teach a class in my discipline to students actually interested in the subject- how could I pass that up?

They interviewed me Wednesday, the assistant dean offered me the job Friday, and I said yes today.

On Wednesday, I submit a grant for a project in the spring as well. I'm collaborating with a professor in rocket science (not really) and we're working on a plan to buy me out of some teaching time at Farm U to do some cool rocket science meets basket weaving stuff. (Trust me, although I think it's cool, you aren't missing much by my obfuscation).

So, although there's still plenty to do this semester, next is looking pretty exciting! Woo hoo!