We live 8 blocks away from New Seasons, a local, Portland only grocery store that we frequent almost daily; we prefer to shop in the European style. Many of our finest meals have started or been enhanced here. And they have fantastic weekly tastings.
Now all of you are probably thinking 'I'm sure it's some super high-end, organic only, straight-from-the-farmer store. When did those 2 turn into such high-end yuppies?' Well, you'd kind of be right.
But the great thing about New Seasons is that not only can you get grass-fed, hand-massaged, don't-walk-too-fast-but-feel-free-to-wander-because-we-love-you beef, but right next to the organic peanut butter is the Jif. Next to the organic locally grown potato chips are the Lays. This place has all the cool stuff of Whole Foods, but cheaper. And all the ease of Fred Meyer (or Johnny's Foodmaster or Stop & Shop), but with less moldy carpets.
I went there earlier tonight, and had this fantastic series of events, all of which are way funnier in my head than on this screen:
I walk in and do my shopping: quesadillas and chips & salsa for dinner, so some tortillas, cheese, and chips & salsa. No problem. So, as my cashier, a 40-something balding guy, is checking me out, this middle-age guy wearing overalls and dust all over his face, walks up with two 30 packs of Pepsi and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon. This was the exchange that followed:
Cashier: That'll be $19.24. On the card...
Me: um, ya...
Overalls (out of nowhere): 'got a call from the kids this afternoon, askin for some pepsi...i said, we gots two 30 packs sittin out back on the deck, drink them. but they said, nope, tweakers got em.
Cashier: Oh, those tweakers. (to me) Sign here.
Overalls: so i went backs there, and wouldn't you know, them tweakers stole them two 30 packs of pepsi. and they got away with 40 yards of copper wire [quick note: why did this guy have a spool of copper wire on his back deck? maybe he was an electrician?] [quick note 2: tweakers steal copper wiring from everywhere out here: roofs, schools, power substations, downspouts. then they sell the metal to the scrap yards for more meth! yay!]. damn tweakers.
Cashier: (with a total blank look, having no idea what this guy is talking about) Oh, those tweakers.
Me: Thanks (running out of the store).
As I was leaving a saw a dog that had dreadlocks. Only in Portland. And maybe Vermont.
Not the dog with dreadlocks I saw.I'm sure Kimberly will have something to say about New Seasons, since she used to work there and is the one who introduced me to its greatness.
1 comment:
Wow, only in Portland. Thanks for the great laugh. It was defintely funny on screen too!
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