Traveling is for the Birds (Not Cats)

Sometimes, I think they don't love me anymore. First, they disappear for 3 months, sticking me with Ben and Jerry - those guys were always playing pranks on me, making it look like I was making a mess, when really, I'm OCD about keeping clean. Then, when I finally get settled in and can deal with all the hissing, they come back and drug me for a week straight until we end up in this very strange new place.

And now, once we've all settled in, they take off again. Something about a baby. Don't they know babies are dumb? They can't even feed themselves or talk. Not like me. I talk a lot. And I'm a ferocious hunter, stalking my food bowl, making sure it can't get away. Although, it might be nice to meet a baby - I could snuggle up to her warm little body, steal some food, maybe steal their breath.

I'm pretty sure these two are getting ready to leave me again. I'm not dumb, I can read the tea leaves on the wall. I see the leaves turning colors and falling off the trees. I see the kids in their silly little costumes, throwing eggs at houses. I feel how cold it's getting - and man, it's getting cold. I know the 'traveling season' is upon us (I think you humans refer to it as the 'Reason for the Season'?).

But the most obvious way I know they're leaving is they introduced me to my 'baby-sitter.' This crazy Chinese chick came over a little while back, and I heard them talking about how to take care of me. Here's how you take care of me: PUT FOOD IN MY DISH AND PET ME! It's really quite easy. Here's what not to do: pull my arms out of my socket and ignore me. I know I'm a cat, so I'm flexible and all nimbily-bimbily, but my arms, they really don't move in that direction so well. Chill out, woman.

So, in order to avoid this crazy woman, I'm going to sleep on this red thing until it's warm out again - I don't know what this thing is, but I know they take it with them whenever they go away. If I just camp out here for the next 2-3 months, they won't be able to go anywhere without taking me. I'm just so lonely here when I'm alone. I get so sad and miss the snuggling with Kimberly. She keeps me warm. And fed too. It's not like I can feed myself. I mean, I am only a cat.